i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
