Umm I'm too high to move.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
