Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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