I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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