What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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