this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
