im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
