We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
