somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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