Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
