Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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