yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i think i have two assholes
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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