Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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