sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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