90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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