Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
