I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
