i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Sober January is a disaster.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
