So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
