Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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