3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
