My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
