There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
