Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
