go do what you do best...puke behind churches
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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