Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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