he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
