can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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