Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
