well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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