I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
