Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Randomize
