Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
