Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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