are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
