as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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