I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
