There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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