Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
