Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
