Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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