Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
