If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
