he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
