She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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