Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
