what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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