not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
