hell yes lets make some ravioli
this beer tastes like vomit already
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
