Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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