He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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