I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
