it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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