Christians are straight up FREAKS
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
