I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize