I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
