im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
But break dance skills will only take you so far
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
