Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
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