Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
