I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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