I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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