I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
