I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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