and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
