My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
