fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
