I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
try to milk me bitch
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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