I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Randomize
