Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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