YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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