i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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