A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
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