i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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