He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize