I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
