So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
