I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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