he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Nobody cheats on THIS.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
