FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
