I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I have surprise drugs for everyone
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
