So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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