A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
