Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
