I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Your tits are I can't wait for
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
