Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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