I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
