The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
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