I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
