I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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