my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
