Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
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