my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
