i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
