why didn't you poke me back
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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