She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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