peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
