I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
