my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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