I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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