i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
