I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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