Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
