hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
