i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
