if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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