I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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