i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
